Helping the Chronically Overworked Find Life Balance

Ray Rice: Defective NFL Product?

Janay Palmer & Ray Rice

Now wife, Janay Palmer and Raven’s suspended footlball player, Ray Rice

I’m on my home from the latest workshop by my coach Steve Harrison. Had a chance to meet Jack Canfield, author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Wow, what an amazing experience.

It was an interesting experience learning how better to serve people through writing and coaching against the backdrop of the Ray Rice story. My understanding is that abusive people were themselves abused. It is my hope that this incident can help Mr. Rice break the cycle of abuse, both for himself and for others.

I watched the video. It was very disturbing. If you haven’t seen it, I think you should watch it Ray Rice Knocked Out Fiancee – FULL VIDEO. It will change your understanding of domestic violence forever. It won’t be theoretical, and it won’t be Hollywood. It is brutal. Watching the video could help you change someone’s life some day. You might hear a whisper, or notice something in someone you know, and instead of brushing it off, you’ll remember that image of Jinay getting knocked unconscious.

As for why the NFL and the Ravens gave Rice a slap on the wrist before the video came to light? I am befuddled by the handwringing. The NFL is a business. Ray Rice is the product. The domestic violence wasn’t seen as a human issue, it was a business issue.  Rice was a product with some characteristics that would make some customers mad.

I’ve been in those discussions. The product isn’t working quite right. Should we ship?

“No product is ever done.”

“There is a work around.”

“We need the revenue now, and will pick up the pieces later.”

Right or wrong does not come into play when it comes to these product shipment decisions. They are business decisions. In the case of the NFL, the products are people. We need to remember to put people first, always.

As I write this post on the plane, I watched an inspirational speech from James Brown, football host on CBS. Brown explained that domestic violence is not a football issue, and is not a woman’s issue. He pointed out that 3 women die every day from domestic violence, and called on men to step up and take responsibility. “You need to either get help [for yourself] or give help [to end domestic violence.]

Bravo James Brown. Real men do not hurt women, and we’ll take your challenge to become part of the solution.

Interview with Sarah Piampiano: From Investment Banker to Professional Triathlete

Sarah Piampiano: Living Life Her Way

Sarah Piampiano: Living Life Her Way

Today I’m pleased to share with you an interview I recently conducted with Sarah Piampiano. Sarah busted her corporate idol, and made a dramatic career change – from investment banker to professional triathlete.

 

1.    Tell our readers about yourself

My Name is Sarah Piampiano and I am a Professional Triathlete.  I used to be a 2-pack-a-day smoker and an Investment Banker on Wall Street in New York City.  In late 2009 one of my friends from college told me he had signed up and was training for an Olympic distance triathlon in an effort to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle.  Over a few too many drinks I bet him I could beat him in the race.  My experience ended up being so overwhelmingly positive, I was immediately hooked on the sport (and yes, I beat him!!).  The community, the sense of accomplishment and the fact that I was doing something healthy for myself inspired me.  I was excited to take on a new passion – a feeling I hadn’t felt for a long time.

I quit smoking and started training a few hours a week.  When I went and competed in my next event I won the overall amateur title. I got the idea in my head that perhaps triathlon was a route I wanted to explore more seriously.  I continued to race as an amateur for all of 2010 and 2011, but at the end of 2011 I quit my job and began competing professionally full-time.

2.     What was it like for you to be working 90-100+ hours per week as an Investment Banker?

Working that much was hard.  Some weeks I was working even upwards of 120 hours.  Your life just isn’t your own.  You get home from work anywhere from 12 AM to 3 AM (and many nights not at all), sleep for 2 or 3 hours with your blackberry on your chest, in case some important e-mail from China comes through, and then get up and go back to work.  I loved my job so it made the long hours manageable, but it was also stressful.  Your job becomes your priority, and everything else takes a back seat.

I remember when my grandmother died I flew home for the funeral pulled an all-nighter that night.  On the way to the church I was on a conference call with a client because the call “couldn’t be rescheduled”.  Nobody really had sympathy or cared that there was something personal going on in my life.  And that was hard for me – always putting my job first – ahead of family and friends.  There were a lot of benefits and amazing parts to the job as well.  I had to the opportunity to work with some of the largest and most powerful companies in the world.  I was able to travel to some amazing places and do business in so many developing nations.  It was a fascinating experience to feel like you were right in the heart of globalization.

3.     What was the a-ha moment that inspired you to sign up for the triathlon that changed your life?

For a long long time I had been trying to find a reason to stop smoking and to start living a healthier lifestyle and nothing had inspired me to do so.  That triathlon was what I needed.  I didn’t realize at the time how much it was going to change my life, but the knowledge that I had found something that gave me the simple desire and motivation to have more balance outside of work was a very liberating thing.

4.     Tell us about the process for you to transition into being a professional triathlete from having a desk job.  What were some of the factors that made you take this life change?

As a kid, my dream was to be an Olympic athlete.  That was what I wanted to be more than anything.  But as I got older and that possibility seemed less likely, I had to give up that dream and turn my attention to other interests and to an alternative career path.

After I won that second triathlon, I sat back and believed that I had what it would take to be great at this sport.  And as someone who had wanted to be a professional athlete my entire childhood, to have that thought was one of the most exciting moments in my life.  My results didn’t suggest I could be great, but I knew inside of me what was possible.

HSBC, who was my employer at the time, was also incredibly supportive.  At the end of 2010 I went to them and explained what I was trying to do.  I felt that the hours I was working, and the travel was preventing me from really testing myself to see if racing professionally was an option.  They were incredibly receptive and were willing to work with me.  We agreed that for one year (2011), I would reduce my hours to 40 hours per week, working 4 days, I would limit my travel only within the US, and when I was out of the office, I would not be working – i.e. I could focus on my training.

It was what I needed.  I performed in 2011 and at the end of the year, I left HSBC, packed up my apartment and moved to Santa Monica, CA to begin training and competing full time as  professional triathlete.

In terms of the “factors” that made me take this life change – I guess I feel like so many of us get caught up living our lives in the way we think we “should” be living.  We get comfortable in our situation and we are scared of change.  We fear failure.  And so, rather than challenging ourselves to truly live life to the fullest – to take what is offered to us and give it a go – we pass up amazing opportunities.

As a kid all I wanted to be was an athlete.  That was my dream.  As an adult here I was faced with an opportunity to live out that dream and do something and be something that so few people in this world can do or have the opportunity to do.  Yes I had a strong, stable, very well paying job.  Yes I had worked my ass off for years to get to the position in my company that I was.  Yes, becoming a triathlete meant leading a life (at least in the beginning) with much less stability and certainty from a financial standpoint.  Yes the chance of failure was high.  But – I guess my view is that I would rather take a chance, LIVE my life, create my own path, and chance success (vs risk failure), vs settling because that is what is expected of me.  I don’t operate that way.

Some people may look at my decision and think it was crazy, but my view is:  I’m single, I don’t have a family to care for, I’m a smart, professional woman with good business sense – I have the ability to return to the corporate world at any time.  And maybe, just maybe, my story, can inspire other people to stop settling and start living their lives a little bit more – bringing them more balance and happiness than they thought possible.

5. What is your routine like now?  What were the overall life changes you had to make to adjust to being a professional athlete.

When I first transitioned from working in the corporate world full time to training full time, I thought I was going to have all kinds of time on my hands.  But I was completely mistaken.  I train 7 days a week, with seldom a day off.  I am up every morning at 4:30 AM to start training and my day ends at 8 PM when I get into bed.  I train anywhere from 4 to 9 hours per day (of physical training), and then you have to factor in time for massage, napping (yes, that is a key part of my recovery process!!), speaking with a sports psychologist, meeting with my nutritionist, seeing a chiropractor, rehab and PT, as well as the time needed in working with existing sponsors, trying to work to gain new sponsors and to building your brand.

Yes, my job is to compete as an athlete, but I very much view this as a business start up, and my business’ success is dependent not just on my performance results, but how well I am able to market myself, build a brand image, represent my sponsors, etc, etc.  I spend a lot of time outside of my training working on this.  I work hard at what I do.

With that though, I am constantly working to create boundaries for myself and my job.  For example, with the rare exception, I put work away on the weekends.  Outside of my training, I try to just let myself relax, have fun, enjoy time away from the sport and to shut myself off from work.  I also give myself a night off each week from my diet so that I can feel relaxed, spontaneous and not so regimented in that routine.

There were so many life changes that took place.  My lifestyle has completely changed.  I lived a fairly luxurious life previously.  Where I had stable income, now I am financially much more strapped.  I live in a modest rental vs owning my home/apartment.  I used to party a fair amount, stay out late.  Now I am often in bed by 8 or 8:30 pm.  I used to eat out every meal and never cook.  Now I rarely eat out.  Cabs were my mode of transportation.  Now I walk or take public transportation.

There are times I miss my “old” life.  I didn’t leave a job or a life that I was miserable in.  In fact I loved it – so yeh – there are definitely things I miss.  But I love where I am at so much right now, that I don’t feel resentful about that at all.

6. How has making those overall life changes as a pro athlete made an impact on your life?

I feel as though I have learned so much about myself as person since I have made this change.  It may sound crazy, but I just feel like I have matured and the person I am becoming is actually someone I am much more proud of.  The world I was living in – I made tons of money, I was fairly materialistic, though I didn’t realize it at the time, I think I had this view that I was better than people – sometimes I feel like I didn’t really have a clear grasp of reality.  In the world I was in, I felt like I was larger than life.  And I’m not.  Not even close.

I’ve been humbled in my new life.  I’ve learned how live a more frugal and modest life, which has helped me to appreciate my environment and the people in it so much more.  I don’t take things for granted.  And I have learned kindness and teamwork go much further than contempt and a superiority complex.  I’ve learned that simple things like cooking a great meal with friends, or an afternoon in the park are some of life’s greatest pleasures – it is not about flying first class, or buying bottles at a club.

Making this change has just opened my eyes to how amazing the world is and how much it has to offer.  It’s been a pretty amazing experience for me.  I feel like my health has improved, my relationships have improved and flourished, my happiness has gone up, I know myself better and I am able to be truer to myself.  So many benefits!

The one other thing, that has sort of surprised me, is the way in which I need to manage my relationships.  When I worked in an office, I was in front of a computer and by a phone all day.  I could IM, e-mail, text, call anyone at any time.  Now, I am training all day and only in front of a computer at night, or by my phone in between training sessions.  I really failed my friends and family in my first year as a professional because I didn’t do a great job of staying in contact.  But from that, I’ve learned to communicate with them that when and when I am not available, and I’ve made changes in my schedule in order to regularly make time for them.  That was a true learning experience for me!

7. What are the things you do now to achieve life balance? Do you ever miss your “old life”?

As a pro athlete there are a lot of choices that we make to further our development. We may put ourselves on a strict diet, or go to bed every night at 8:00 pm, or rarely eat out or socialize. We train 7 days a week and we are “on” 24 hours a day because how we train, how we rest, how we eat – it all has an impact on how we perform. We put so many of our marbles into our jobs and we ask so much of ourselves – both physically and emotionally – and of the people around us. It is hard sometimes – particularly at the end of the season when fatigue and burn out are creeping in and we are ready for that much needed break.

But, pro athlete’s are not the only people who struggle with balance. In my prior life as an Investment Banker, I worked 120 hour weeks and had no balance at all – in fact, probably much less than I do now.

I’m often told how lucky I am to be able to ride my bike every day or swim in the sunshine vs in the dark morning hours. People see the sexy side of my job – I lead a ridiculously healthy lifestyle; I am in better shape than most people could even dream about; I get to run, ride and swim outside all day long; I get massages at least once a week; I get to travel to amazing locations to compete; I have an incredible set of sponsors whose products I get to wear, ride, and test. It seems so glamorous. And in many aspects it is. But like any job, it has its downsides too.

On the flip side, I can look at “normal” people and think – they only have to work 5 days a week. They can eat whatever they want, whenever they want. They can take vacations in months other than November and December. They can leave work at 5 pm and shut it off. They can stay out late and drink one too many beers. They can decide to go surfing one morning instead of to swim practice, or to that concert on Sunday night and get home at midnight  – the lack of sleep won’t really impact their job the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that.  They make a steady paycheck.

My point in all of this is that no matter what you do and how you choose to live your life, there will always be amazing parts to it, and there will also be not so amazing parts.

I absolutely love my job.  I have never been happier in my life than I am now. I feel lucky every single day that I have been afforded this opportunity, and the people I have met and the places I have been as a result of it are relationships and experiences that I would not change for the world. I. Am. Lucky.

But – part of loving what you do, and continuing to be fulfilled means also taking responsibility and recognizing what is important to you and what your needs are to keep you motivated and loving and living life to the fullest.

I remember when I was working in banking and had just become serious about triathlon. My life was either training or working. That was it. I didn’t have time for much else. And as a result, I began to resent both my job and my then-hobby. I wanted to go out with my friends and have more social time – that is important to me. And I wanted to have time to myself where I could just relax and de-compress. That is also important to me. I was pursuing two things that I loved, but the combination of the two wasn’t particularly fulfilling for me. I suffered through that year. And when I look back, I wish I had taken my training load down a notch, and allowed time for other things in my life.

And even when I first made the move to racing professionally, I went full steam ahead. I restricted myself in every way I possibly could and was so focused on achieving greatness that I never came up for air. By July I was fried. I was emotionally done. And once the World Championships were over I let loose in a big way. I needed to because I hadn’t had any balance in my life for so long. I think a lot of us are victims of that.  We aren’t honest with ourselves about things we need in our lives and outlets for release; we limit ourselves and the end results in a blow up of some kind that ends in a negative situation, versus a positive and healthy one.  For myself, I needed to learn that lesson though to understand that sometimes succeeding (for me) means not holding on so tight.

Today, when I look at what is important to me – I really enjoy that random glass of wine at night with dinner, or my beloved ice cream for dessert. I love being spontaneous versus always planned and calculated. I love spending time with the people that I love. I love spending time on my own to just be in my own headspace and think – to not talk to anyone. I need these and other outlets in my life to stay healthy, stay happy, and also stay motivated in my job and be the best person I can be for those around me. Yes – there is a time and a place to restrict yourself from certain things or where we have to make difficult decisions. But in general – always asking yourself what is most important to you, and being diligent in remaining true to yourself – the outcome hopefully will be one of great reward.

8. What is your advice for people who are struggling to achieve life balance?

I suppose simply to be honest with yourself and recognize what things are most important to YOU as an individual to make you happy.  And then make that happen.  Perhaps it is a run every day.  Or 1 hour of alone time.  Or a weekend of partying once a month.  Or a massage once a week.  Or time with friends.  Or yoga – who knows.  Being in bed by 8 pm.  Just recognize what makes YOU happy and make time to include that in your life.  If you don’t, you’ll end up resenting your job, your family, your significant other, and you won’t be reaching your happiness potential.  Don’t be afraid to take time for yourself and be selfish in your needs.

Thank you Sarah for being so open. Your story is inspirational. Best of luck! I’ll check  in on your progress from time to time on your website http://sarahpiampiano.com/

Are You Pulling a Green Day at Work?

Tonight when I was cooking dinner, I put on Bullet in a Bible, Greenday’s 2005 concert DVD. The movie opens with an interview with Billie Joe Armstrong, the lead singer.
Question: What do you think of people who only like you because you are in Green Day? Answer:

I am Green Day. That is my life. – Billie Joe Armstrong

Interesting convergence of my favorite band and my work passion. I wonder about people like Armstrong. Is it ok that his work is his life?

Yes, I say to myself. It’s ok because it is not my place to say it isn’t ok. it is for each person to decide what their proper life balance is.

Later in the movie (after some amazing concert footage), Armstrong talks about going on tour as a cure all for life’s problems. You could be having a horrible day, and then you go and put on a great show, and everything is wonderful. And if you have a bad show, everything sucks. When the tour is over, you go home and have to face the issues again.

Going to work can be like going on stage, especially if we are good at what we do. There are times when work can become a refuge from stressors at home. Even the most unpredictable office can be more predictable than what happens in a chaotic home.

Armstrong was ~33 when the movie was filmed. In September 2012, Armstrong went into rehab for alcohol abuse, as well as addictions to pills for insomnia and anxiety. He was 40 at the time, the same age I was when I recognized my corporate idolatry, and cut back my working hours. As I’ve often said, I firmly believe that I would have had a major health issue if I had stayed on the same 90 hour a week track.

Stay sober Billie – I still want to see you in concert!

What do you think? Do people use the office to escape a bad situation at home?

This post originally appeared in the Idolbuster Update Newsletter. Subscribe now and get a free report “Who To Trust in the Workplace” 

The Second Step Towards a Life In Balance

Choose your date wisely

Choose your date wisely

The people you choose to be with are a strong predictor of what you value and how you live.

As I wrote in the last post, a shift in identity will start you down the path towards a balanced life.

However if everyone around you is bragging about how many events they missed because of work, eventually your hours will start to creep back up. To make the changes last, you’ll need a community of people to support you.

First and foremost, if you’re in a relationship, you’ll want to get on the same page with your partner. Does he/she support people-first values? Most of the time, they’ll be thrilled to have you around more. And if you are both on email till midnight together every night, you can start to make the change together. For example, checking email during dinner can be a pernicious habit. But, it is also is a clear behavior that is easy to modify if phone free time together is the priority.

However, if getting a new BMW every year is the most important thing to your partner, they may not support your change in priorities. Mismatched values like this are a red flag for the relationship. Some people work long hours as a way to avoid an unhappy relationship. Could this be you?

And whether or not you’re in a relationship, you’ll need people outside the family to support your change. One great place to begin is by finding a weekly activity to bring you out of the office. I’ve known many people who picked up a class or joined a team just as a way to get out of the office. There, they met their future spouse.

If you are at in Tuesday night volleyball league, everyone else there has decided not to work and to spend time on volleyball too. This is a great place to get to know people who don’t talk about work all the time.

Finally, be on the lookout for a community opportunity, meaning that if someone invites you to do something, say yes! A mindful approach to develop contacts outside of the workplace will increase your flexibility, and decrease any emotional dependency on the work pseudo-community.

What has your experience been with getting out of the office?

Previous Post: The First Step To Create a Life Of Balance

The First Step To Create a Life of Balance

Work Over People

Work Over People

We live in overscheduled times. The company  demands that you do more with less, and rewards a job well done with more job. Or,  maybe you are passionate about what we do. The job brings fulfillment, which gives an incentive to work more hours. At some point, it will get to be too much. If you are starting to feel like Anakin Skywalker crawling out of the lava pit, this post is the first of three that will teach you how to put things right without becoming Darth Vader.

Step1: Secure Your Identity as a people-first person.

What is the most important thing in your life? As you think about your answer, look to your day-to-day decisions and priorities. Do you:

  • Skip workouts to catch up on email?
  • Eat lunch at your desk every day?
  • Check email or take a phone call when on a date or spending time with your kids?
  • Feel guilty when not working?

The type of behaviors indicate that you have made your company/work the most important thing in your life, because in the moment, you are choosing to work instead of focusing on your own health or being present with the people you care about. Identity is a shorthand way of making decisions without having to stop and think about them. We all have multiple identities – marketer, father, soccer coach, author are a few of mine. The question is, which identity is dominant?

A mindful shift to a people-first identity allows you to change your priorities and decisions day to day. Which is more important: giving yourself two hours to wind down before you go to bed, or answering every email? A people-first person shuts off the computer and phone two hours before bedtime no matter what. It’s not about saying no to the work, it’s about saying yes to sleep and people in your life.

If the cell phone beeps during dinner, which of these people is more likely to answer:

  1. The person whose identity rests on being the always available leader
  2. The person whose primary identity is as a caring and present father.

Who will make a better impression on a first date:

  1. The person who is answering text messages or
  2. The person who turns off the phone after the first beep?

Which person do you want handling a crisis at work that pops up at 10 AM:

  1. The person who spent the date answering text messages, and then went back home and worked till 1 AM, or
  2. The person who turned off the phone, made a real connection, and whose date when home with him/her?

Even if you love your job, strengthening your people-first identity will give you more resilience to deal with the ups and downs that come with any company. Why? Because you’ll have people there to catch you when you fall.

Next Post: The Second Step Towards a Life In Balance