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Lessons From Jason Collins: Coming Out As a Parent in the Office

Mother With Child by Mzacha via rgbphoto Face hidden to protect her career?

Mother With Child by Mzacha via rgbphoto
Face hidden to protect her career?

Jason Collins article is the first active professional male athlete to come out. Collins wrote a first person account of his life before coming out, and how he feels now. He stayed in the closet for fear of consequences to his professional life, and as a result “endured years of misery.” Now, Collins is looking forward to living an authentic life. The feared backlash is no where near what it might have been, and the majority of the feedback, at least in public, has been positive.

As I read Collin’s article, I was reminded of how hard it can be to tell the truth in the corporate world. And I don’t mean telling the truth to your boss or to customers about a work issue. I mean telling the truth about yourself.

Where I live, in Silicon Valley, it is common to have openly gay coworkers. But there are many people who are living in the closet, hiding their authentic selves at work for fear that it will impact there career. What closet are they in? The parenting closet.

For example, for many years, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg secretly left at 5:30 to pick up her kids because she was concerned about the impact of being perceived as a “working mom” on her career. In the words of Collins, “It takes an enormous amount of energy to guard such a big secret.” Granted, Sandberg’s secret was not as big as Collins, but it must have been a drain on her.

Corporate executive Karin Hurt wrote on her blog, Let’s Grow Leaders, about the difficulty of keeping her divorce secret. She had just been promoted to a major leadership position in a fluid post merger environment. Plus, her new position required frequent travel to another city.

Hurt wrote “I had been very deliberate about keeping that hidden. Even my new boss did not know what I was going through. I had heard enough discussion about the concept of “single moms” needing extra care and support so they could come to work on time and not call in sick when their kids were sick. I thought, I’m not like that. I’m a different kind of single mom… I’m an executive. I’d better just keep all this to myself.”

Collins wrote:
“By its nature, my double life has kept me from getting close to any of my teammates. Early in my career I worked hard at acting straight, but as I got more comfortable in my straight mask it required less effort.”

Hurt wrote that when she was discovered as a single mom, there was a backlash.

“You lead all these meetings where we work on programs to make it easier for single moms… and NOT ONE TIME… do you mention that you are one. What else aren’t you sharing?” Another teammate of Karin’s told her “we are starting to wonder about you. You know all about us, but we know nothing about you.”

Collins wrote “A good teammate supports you no matter what. In professional sports, it really is all about teamwork.”

We talk about teamwork in the corporate world. In a thriving workplace, people have a shared sense of mission, and e support each other. There is one little drawback – in my experience, you will be supported as long as you act a certain way. A corporation can breed a sameness, an unwritten code of conduct about how to act and even how to dress. Try showing up at Google wearing a suit and tie. You wouldn’t feel comfortable, and you wouldn’t fit in.

So it was a logical act for self-preservation for Collins, Sandberg and Hurt to keep part of their lives hidden. Attitudes have changed dramatically over the last few years about being gay, and it is wonderful that Collins has enough support to feel he can be successful as a gay athlete.

And with leaders like Sandberg and Hurt, now is the time for women not only to Lean In, but to come out as their authentic selves.

Stress Keeping You Up At Night? Eleven Tips To Help You Sleep

Young Couple Sleeping by epSos.de via Flickr CC

Young Couple Sleeping by epSos.de via Flickr CC

I have been a terrible sleeper since I was a baby. (And my dad never lets me forget it.) I should say I was a terrible sleeper, until a few years ago when I learned to sleep well.

The standard sleep hygene tips?  They all help, but I resisted trying them for many years. It was a combination of pride and my work-first priorities that held me back. In fact, ever since college if I had a deadline to make, I couldn’t sleep. I was so alert that I could use the time to study. It was my secret weapon.

Unfortunately, as I got older, the sleeplessness remained but I was no longer awake enough to function.

As with many of the changes in my life, I got serious about sleeping after I realigned my values to make people and not work the most important thing in my life. The most important people first value is my own health. But how could health be the top priority if I was working till 11 at night, and getting up at 5 to work some more?

Eleven things I have learned to help me sleep.

  1. Ambien helps, but wasn’t effective if I was working right up until the second I took it. Sleep was fitful, and I was prone to waking up after a few hours because my body never had time to unwind. Therefore I instituted some firm rules and boundaries. 
  2. Lights out at 11, every night including weekends.
  3. Work stops at 9, to give me time to unwind.
  4. The computer, tablet, and phone are shut off at 9. These are stimulating, and too work-like. I can’t help but think about work if the computer is open. The temptation to look at email is too great, and I can easily get sucked into things.
  5. Lights for the kids go out at 9. My wife and I need time to be together without the kids.
  6. I look for ways to enjoy the time between 9 and 11. Ok, in my life some of the time is spent cleaning the kitchen and scooping cat litter, but usually by 9:30 we’re ready to move on to another activity. It is important that this time isn’t all chores – the object is to find some enjoyment to help you relax before bed. Reading, tv, movies, sex, exercise, and music are all good options.
  7. No work until 6 AM. Stress can make me wake up, and if I work it re-enforces the habit of waking up. If I know I can’t work no matter what, it is easier for me to get back to sleep. If necessary, I’ll jot down a few notes to clear my head, knowing I won’t forget the supposedly important thing rambling around in my head.
  8. The bedroom a sacred space: No working, no devices. Sleep, sex, relaxing only! Yes, this means you should stop reading email on your Droid before getting out of bed. Seriously. If this is a habit, put a shoe box outside your bedroom, and drop the phone in before you enter. If you really need to check something, walk out into the hall.
  9. If I wake up at 3 AM and am hungry, I have a cup of ginger tea. It settles my stomach without giving me a sugar fix. The sugar fix rewards waking up. I try to keep it boring.
  10. I have a comfort ritual to help me get back to sleep. If it is 3 or 4, I go downstairs and sleep in the lazy boy in the living room. I put on my favorite original Star Trek episode (The Doomsday Machine), cover myself with my favorite throw, turn out the lights, put on an old pair of sunglasses (to cut down on glare from the tv), close my eyes, and just listen. I am comforted by the familiarity, and am usually asleep within ten minutes. And I know the episode so well I can always tell if I have fallen asleep, because suddenly the chronicle will jump to something 30 minutes later. This totally cuts off the frustration of feeling like you haven’t slept, because I know that I was asleep. This helps me get right back to sleep.
  11. The thing that put me over the top was a guided meditation CD called “Just Relax.” It changed my life. Just Relax describes itself as “dull, boring, and effective.” It delivers big time. I tried it in desperation one night at 5 AM after a week of sleepless nights. . It was a weekend and I slept on the couch till 9:30. The kids were up, around, and I’m told very noisy. I slept through it all, and felt more refreshed than I ever had. I used Just Relax pretty regularly for a while, and now I can play the sounds in my head to help me go to sleep.

Pretty standard sleep hygene on the list. I thought these things were so hokey that I wouldn’t even look at them until a few years ago.  The hokey feeling? A rationalization to prevent me from trying something to help myself. Maybe I was too proud. Whatever the case, I’m glad I got over it.

What is your experience with sleep? Are you a natural sleeper? If not, what has worked for you?

It’s Not The End Of The World, Only a Delayed Launch Date

Today we are taking a break from Busting Your Corporate Idol for this announcement about the end of the world, or lack thereof.

If you are reading this, the world has not ended.   I feel bad for the Mayans  all anyone seems to know about them is that they blew it when it came to predicting the end of the world.  A sad irony really, because  they never in fact did predict the end of the world.  Mayan expert David Green explained on NPR that

The Maya never, ever, said anything about the world ending at any time — much less this year.

12/21/12.   I admit it, it’s a cool looking date, but it is totally arbitrary.

How many of you have been involved with a product launch date picked out of the air?  And yes, sometime in Q2 does count as arbitrary.    The best story I ever heard was from “Pat,” who ended up in the hospital once because he was working too much.  (Told in this post.) I’m happy to say Pat learned his lesson.  When he was a senior director at his previous company, the VP and head of product development decided that they were going to achieve something amazing – a breakthrough product in six months.  ”He called everyone in in on Saturday,” and told the entire department to drop what they were doing to work on the project called “Lightsail.”  Pat did not disrupt his life to try to make it happen, and he told me with an exasperated grin “Guess what, he was off by 18 months.”   Throwing an entire department of a few dozen people at a project won’t make it happen.

Sometimes it just takes time to get things done.  It is important to work for  executives who will make allowances for reality. More people don’t necessarily help.

Which brings me to the December deadline for my book.  When I started blogging Busting Your Corporate Idol on June 11, 2012 I announced that I would complete the book by my birthday December 29th, my birthday.  Ten chapters in six months?  I had a good outline, and two chapters already written.  I knew that I have pushed myself very hard in the past, and have accomplished some amazing things.  I could do it now too. There was one thing I forgot: I was writing about people-first values. I still had responsibilities as the stay at home parent, and it seemed kind of silly to quit my job to bring better balance to my life in order to neglect my family and health to meet an arbitrary deadline for the book I am writing for free on my blog.

I have been going at a steady pace of a chapter every three weeks.  And if I project ahead, that means that I will finish the book sometime in February.

Thank you all for following along as the book has come to life.  I feel truly privileged to be able to live my dream, and am blown away that over 12,000 of you have visited the blog.

I hope you enjoy the last two chapters as much as you’ve enjoyed the first eight.

Ten Tips To Reduce Your Work-Related Stress

Ten Tips For Stress Reduction Featured Image

Cold Friendship by Hamed Saber via Flickr CC

 

Today I’m taking a break from Busting Your Corporate Idol to share some stress reduction tips that were inspired by stories I heard while researching the book.

 

Three ways to relieve stress at work by putting yourself first

  1. Put your health first.  Take time during the business day to exercise.  If you are suffering from chronic stress, you are probably working too many hours.  If you take time away from work to exercise, your stress will go down and you will become more productive, which will more than make up for the 90 minutes at the gym.
  2. Put your time first.  There are always people asking you for favors, and to do extra things.  If you are good at what you do, there are an infinite number of things you could be doing.  Make sure that you put your time first by learning to say no.  Having fewer commitments will reduce stress
  3. Become a winner at politics.  Are you the type of person who says “I don’t care about the politics, I just want to get it done.”  This is a recipe for being taken advantage of.  Politics is a fact of life, and no one is above it.  If you aren’t playing at least to defend yourself, you risk being played.

Three ways to relieve stress at home by putting people first

  1. Put your health first by stopping all work by 9 PM to give you an hour or two to decompress before bed time.  Sleep deprivation is a guaranteed way to increase stress.
  2. Put your health and family first by having a Sabbath, least one day a week with no work or email at all.  You will be amazed at how refreshed and more creative you feel.
  3. More sex at home.  The research is pretty consistent – people who have sex more often are happier.  And stress leads people to have sex less often.  Use those goal setting skills to have sex at least once during the workweek and once on the weekend.  This will lead you to stop working earlier, and will directly combat feelings of stress.

A key to preventing stress at work is to reduce your workload.  If your boss asks you to do more, here are four things to help you say no.

  1. Don’t feel guilty. There is only so much time in the day, and your health and family are more important than whatever the boss is asking you to do.
  2. Make the boss decide the business priorities.  Your time is a finite company resource.  Explain the trade off decision, and why you think another use of your time is more important.  If the boss insists, ask for his or her support in explaining the changed deadline to the stakeholder whose deliverable is being pushed back.
  3. Offer an alternative solution.  Sometimes the boss is asking for more than he or she needs.  Offer a quick and easy solution instead.
  4. Suggest someone else to do the job.  Your boss needs a solution, but it doesn’t necessarily need to come from you.

If you find at least one of these suggestions helpful, please share using the buttons below.

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Want Better Work-Life Balance? Start With Understanding.

Chapter 3: The Corporation, The Real American Idol Part 4

An important step for achieving work life balance is to understand the nature of the institution you are working for.  Dictionary.com defines a corporation as follows: An association of individuals, created by law, having a continuous existence independent of its members, and powers and liabilities distinct from those of its membersLets look at the four key ideas in more depth.  Each one has a significant impact on how individuals behave.

Association of individuals:  When a group of people are together, it is natural for a culture to form.  Culture provides the norms of acceptable behavior, and is a huge influence on how we act at work, which can spill over into the rest of our life. I will return to corporate culture later in the chapter.

Created by law: Ultimately, what a corporation can and cannot do is defined by local, state, federal and international law.  How often corporations stay within the law and how often they push is a matter of debate.  A simple example is minimum wage  – depending on where someone is working, his or her minimum pay is a function of local law.  A company may choose to pay more for a variety of reasons, but it isn’t required to.

Continuous existence independent of its members: Would it surprise you to learn that one of the first corporations in the world was a copper mine in Sweden that operated from at least the year 1080 until 1992?  It did me. The business was set up to distinct from its founding members, and it certainly was successful outliving them.  Key implication: a company doesn’t need any particular individual to survive.

Powers and liabilities distinct from members: A corporation can enter contracts, be sued, and in some cases be held criminally liable in a distinct and separate way from its employees or investors.  Many corporations provided limited liability for its investors, meaning that no money beyond the initial investment was at risk.  The structure of corporate ownership has a big impact on the behavior of the people who work there.  We’ll come back to this.

Again as a simple example, I used to get my paycheck directly from a company bank account, and not from an individual’s bank account.  Of course a company cannot issue a check (or do anything else) without an actual person to do the work.  This leads to many circumstances where a person is acting or speaking in the name of the company. Not a problem in and of itself,  until we forget that the company isn’t actually alive…

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What No One Is Saying About Marissa Mayer, Yahoo’s New CEO

Family by Nina Matthews Photography via Flickr CC

As is the custom on Friday, a break from Busting Your Corporate Idol.

Marissa Mayer is the new CEO of Yahoo.  She has an impressive track record at Google, and is eminently qualified to take over.  But there is a big brouhaha and a lot of hand-wringing over her pregnancy.  What really got people going was her comment to Fortune Magazine.

My maternity leave will be a few weeks long and I’ll work throughout it.

The debate has been blistering Melissa Hincha-Ownby at the Mother Nature Network summarized it this way.

This sent the mommyverse into a tailspin. Some mothers praised her determination and work ethic, others denounced her decision as selfish and mourned for the son who won’t spend much quality time with his mother while others think she’s going to be in for a rude awakening once her son is here and she won’t have time to work at all.

I am a big advocate of people-first values, and The Idolbuster has a number of posts about the personal cost of a 90 hour work week, which Mayer apparently worked at Google.

So what people should come first here?

Is it the new baby, and if so does that mean that women should never work with a newborn in the house?  The woman who cleans my house was pregnant one week, and back at work the next.  I was so shocked.  I assumed she would take the week off, but was back right away.  I expect she couldn’t afford to forgo a week of pay.

Is it the employees, investors, or customers of Yahoo who need Mayer’s expertise to turn the company around?  I read Yahoo news multiple times every day, and I want the company to succeed.  In my opinion Yahoo would be just fine if she truly unplugged, but I can understand why she would want to work through.

Is Marissa Mayer herself the person we should put first?  And if we want to, how would we go about it?  Should we save her from herself, and push her into taking a longer or shorter leave?  If I read another “she doesn’t know what she’s getting into” handwringing post, I’ll shoot myself.

Here is the simple truth: none of us know what is best for Mayer or her family.  But our course of action here is simple.  Mayer deserves the basic respect to make her own choices and tradeoffs without our punditry.  She is an adult, and gets to choose what is the most fulfilling path for her life.  The Golden Rule says “Treat others as you would like to be treated,” or “don’t treat others in ways you don’t like to be treated.” And I can’t imagine anyone would want a Facebook poll to be taken about their maternity leave.  It is no one else’s business what Marissa Mayer does in her family life.

And one more thing:  Am I the only one on the world who thinks maybe her husband will stay home with the newborn?  Her husband, Zachary Bogue, is a lawyer and Co-Managing Partner at Data Collective.  The very idea that he would take care of the newborn seems out of the question.

For my marketing friends: we need a phrase to describe the societal barriers that make it hard for men to take care of the family.  We need something that is analogous to The Glass Ceiling.  Somehow The Glass Remote doesn’t seem to cover it.

 

Bags Packed and Ready to Lead

Photo by Hilary The Mammal via Flickr

This week’s guest post is from a Vice President who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Great leadership is hard.  It requires a deep understanding of our own motivations so that we can inspire with the best intentions.

To lead with joy and energy, we must love what we do.  At the same time, great leaders need “packed bags”.

When we stay in a job or role because we feel we HAVE to instead of because we WANT to, we can become very dangerous.   And, we don’t do so well for our families or ourselves.

“Packed bags” is an attitude, mindset and financial scene that enables us to leave if we should.   We can give the job everything we have, take the right risks, say the right things to the right people, and still sleep well at night.  Packed bags allows me to approach my job with confidence, knowing that my moral compass is firmly in place, and I can leave if asked to cross certain boundaries.

“Packed bags” is not disloyal or disengagement.  In fact, this approach enables us to be more passionate and engaged in doing the right thing for the business and our people.  It helps to remove fear.

I have been energetically engaged at the same company for more than 12 years.  I am serious about my work and my career. I am excited about the next steps at my company… and my bags are still packed.

I worry when I see leaders feeling stuck either emotionally or financially.  This can happen when our identity is overly defined by our role at work.  Or, if we have built a lifestyle that has kept pace with the financial earnings of each promotion. It is hard to lead well from that place because we may lack the confidence to make the right bold decisions for the business and our people.

“Packed bags” enable us to…

  • Focus on results, not politics
  • Take the right risks, and do jobs that scare us
  • Be candid with our feelings
  • Provide feedback
  • Feel more in control of our own destiny

Some things that can help you keep your bags packed:

Build a sustainable financial scene

  • Resist the urge to upgrade your lifestyle each time you get a raise
  • Save bonuses and long-term incentives
  • Consider paying down long-term debt

Stay relevant

  • Diversify your knowledge and skills
  • Build a professional network
  • Never burn a bridge

Have a reflective practice

  • Find some outside activity that gives you peace (prayer, meditation, running, yoga, writing)
  • Understand what makes you most happy in your work
  • Consider reinventing your job to include what makes you most happy

Overall, keeping a bags-packed attitude will benefit the company through better decision making and more energetic leadership, and lead to a life with less stress.

If you’d like to be heard, but aren’t sure how it will be perceived at your company, publish anonymously on The Idolbuster.  Inquire here.

CNN’s Epic Failure Of Values On Affordable Care Act Coverage

In the space between Chapter’s 1 & 2 of Busting Your Corporate Idol: How To Reconnect With Values & Regain Control Of Your Life, here is an old school post about values and priorities.

As  rule, I don’t talk about political issues here, but the way the media handled the Supreme Court’s healthcare decision has pulled me close to the fray.  This morning CNN had a countdown clock on screen until the time of the SCOTUS decusion on the Affordable Health Care Act.  10:00 came and went, and still no decision.  The announcers acted like the kid that had to go to the bathroom, but won’t leave because they are afraid they will miss something.  And as my daughters and I watched, we felt the tension.

Then, it flashed on the screen.  People were seen running out of the courthouse, and the decision was in.  The individual mandate was struck down.  This is a law that has divided the country.  Some people see it as a door to bring health care to tens of millions of people, others see it as an unwanted government encrouchment on individual liberty.  This is a core values issue.  So with the decision in, CNN immediately started talking about the presidential election. “What would Mitt Romney do?”  Really?

But something did not smell right to me, so I switched to MSNBC, which had the opposite on the screen: Individual Mandate Upheld.  So then I went to the NY Times website.  And they said something like this.  ”The Supreme Court Decision is in.  We are reading it, and when we understand what it says, we will release a flood of coverage.”

CNN had it wrong.

Values On Display

Every company has a set of shared values that define its culture.  They often don’t correlate with the set of the values in the company handbook, and certainly include some subtle and unconscious behaviors by employees.  It’s like the story about the fish that doesn’t know what water is – it’s hard to see the things we take for granted.  Values set priorities and guide decisions.

Values Drive Priorities Which In Turn Influence The Underlying Values

The Times and CNN both had the same data, but acted in very different ways, which I think reflects different underlying values in those companies.

For each news organization, which is more important, getting there fast, or getting it right?

I see a lot of handwringing about the 24 hours news cycle killing the quality of news.  Well guess what, I wanted to know the answer right away, went to the NY Times website (which I routinely check multiple times a day from my iPhone) and was told it was more important to give the right answer.

CNN:  This is a mistake that didn’t need to happen.  If you really care about quality, look in the mirror and figure out how to drive a cultural change.

A Quick Note On Freedom

While we’re talking about about healthcare, lets talk about freedom.  If you hated your job, had 2 years salary in the bank, would you quit your job if it meant that your family lost its health insurance till you found a new one?  No way.  In Chapter 1 of my book Busting Your Corporate Idol, I made reference to the two months my wife and I spent preparing for my departure from the corporate world.  And a major topic was health insurance.  If my wife didn’t have a secure job at a company with great health insurance benefits, I would not have become a stay at home parent, and followed my dream to be an author.

I recently interviewed a VP at one of the twenty largest companies in the world.  He lives in a house well below his means because it gives him freedom.  A large mortgage is unquestionably something that constrains choices – that bill needs to be paid, and that can mean going along with things at work that may be personally distasteful.  He maintains a good work life balance in part because he knows that he could, in a pinch, take a salary cut and not lose his house.

And health insurance is even a bigger deal financially than a mortgage.  The number one cause of personal bankruptcy?  Health insurance bills.  (More here.)

Severing the link between employment and health insurance will go a long way towards correcting the chronic overwork epidemic in the United States. Why?  Because it will be one fewer reason that people stay in unhappy work situations.  The Affordable Care Act is an important step in severing that link.

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When Work Came Before Family, & What I Did To Change

Stress by topgold via Flickr CC

At one time, my work and not my family was the most important thing in my life.  I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit it.

I had always told myself that family was my top priority, but when I look at my actions, decisions and time spent, it was all about the company. I thought about work in the shower.  I talked on my cell phone as I drove in to work, and as I drove home at night.  I worked after dinner, and I had trouble falling asleep because I was going over the day in my head.  The next day I would get up at 5 AM, to work on email, and to communicate with my colleagues in Europe.  I worked at least a little bit most weekend days.

I did, however, eat breakfast and dinner with my family every day.  And believe me, that wasn’t easy.  If I hadn’t set that firm boundary, I would have worked straight through dinner.  I can’t say that I was there mentally.  It doesn’t just switch off, but it was better than nothing, for both me and everyone else.

Today my life is radically different, and I trace it back to an insight I had on Yom Kippur in 2005.  (More on that in Chapter 1 of Busting Your Corporate Idol, that will be blogged starting Monday June 11.)  I didn’t suddenly get myself in that situation, and I couldn’t suddenly get myself out of it.

Gradually over time, I started working later and later, taking on additional responsibilities, which led to more work.  People began to expect a response from me any time of the day, which served both to increase the volume of email, and to increase the pressure on me to answer right away.

But after I decided to put my family first, I gradually started to regain control of my life.  Over the course of the year, I went from working 90 hours per week to 50 per week, without changing jobs.  But it took deliberate action on my part, and a change in the way I saw the world.  Here are  three steps to get started with changing your life.

Step 1: Stop working every night at 10:00.  Your health is important, & you need time to unwind before you go to sleep.

Step 2: Stop working every night at 9:00 to spend time with your spouse.  Sit together and cuddle on the couch.  You will be amazed at what happens.

Step 2b: If you are single, stop working at 5:30 2 times during the week and go on a date or a social activity that includes singles your own age.  (Dance class, book club, volleyball team, etc.)  Leave your work phone in the car, and use a personal cell phone if you need to have one with you.  To be clear, this is two times in addition to Friday and Saturday night.  After the date, do not check email or do any work – allow your self to enjoy the feeling of connecting with other people.  And who knows, without the thought of email hanging over your head, the date may last longer!

Step 3: One weekend a month, lock your computer and phone in your desk for the weekend.  Then, fill your weekend time with non-work activities.  Don’t focus on working less.  Focus instead on making fun or restful things a higher priority than work.  Yes, some housework may need to be done.  But as you work less during the week, you will reclaim your weekend time for leisure.

To reiterate, I didn’t become massively overworked overnight, and I didn’t get control of my life overnight either.  But with a few solid rules and deliberate effort, I began to see improvements almost right away.  So don’t despair if all you see is more work on the horizon.  It doesn’t have to be that way.

Why Work More Than 50 Hours Per Week?

In a recent post, Passover, Work, and Corporate Idolatry, I touched on the year I went from working 90 hours to 50 hours a week. For me, the change came after I recognized my Corporate Idolatry.  I realized that I had made my company an Idol.  It was the most important thing in my life, and my identity revolved around doing what is best for the company.

Amazingly, no one at work noticed when I worked 40 fewer hours.

That raised a question for me: what is the ideal number of hours to work per week for a healthy work life balance?  It is tempting to call this a personal decision.  Many people I interviewed told me they worked long hours because they love their job, or feel compelled to do as well as they possibly can on every presentation, even if it means staying up till 2 to get it done.  “Don’t blame the company – I am choosing to do this.”  Granted it is a choice.

But I would argue that there is objective data that working more than 40 hours per week is counterproductive.  Henry Ford cut the number of hours his employees worked to 40 hours because it increased safety, reduced costs, and did not impact  the number of cars manufactured.  Yes, a six day week produced as many cars as a five day workweek  (For more, see this great article at Salon.com.)  ”150 years of research proves that long hours at work kill profits, productivity and employees.”  Much of that research was conducted studying industrial workers, but it is clear that rest is even more important for today’s workers that rely on creativity and productivity.

 How Many Hours Do Executives and Managers Work?

It is amazingly hard to find statistics on how

28% work more than 60 hours per week

many hours per week executives work.  So, I started my own non-scientific poll on LinkedIn.  290 people responded, and here is what I found:  28% of people work more than 60 hours per week.  This is consistent with other reports I have seen that say that one third of Americans report being chronically overworked.

90-hour weeks – a symptom of Corporate Idolatry

Here is a time profile of a 90 hour workweek.  It requires

90 Hour Week – Symptom of Corporate Idolatry

  • 14 hr workdays (10 Sat & Sunday)
  • 5 hours sleep each night (7 Sat & Sunday)
  • 5 hours for everything else (food, family, exercise, sex)

Executives get the same pay for 90 hours as they do for 50 hours?  So why do it?  Its not money, and I would argue that in some cases it is misplaced devotion.  The graph doesn’t lie – there just are not enough hours to work 90 hours per week and to get enough sleep and maintain relationships with family and/or community.  So someone working 90 hour weeks is putting the company first.

A 50-hour work week allows people to come first

Here is a time profile for a 50-hour week.

  • 10 hr workdays (zero on weekend)
  • 7 hours sleep 7 ever day
  • 7 hours for everything else during the week, and 17 a day on weekends

Here, you can have a life, and still have a productive career.  (Research says anything above 40 hours per week drops productivity, but even Europe has a 48 hour week by law these days.)

A question of values and priorities

Only 2% of respondents work 90 hour weeks, and only 31% work fewer than 50.  Somewhere between 50 and 90 hours a week, a boundary gets crossed, and  the company becomes more important than people.  One person left a comment on the poll: “I’m surprised that there is hardly any[one] working over 60 hours a week!! Am I the only one!!”   No, but 70% of your peers are working fewer hours.  The demographics and job titles tell an interesting tale – they appear similar at just about every time interval, which is good news for you – even VPs work less than 50 hour weeks, so you can too.

How to cut back?  I’ll leave a few ideas in the comments.  Please share what has worked for you!

Did 70-Hour Work Weeks a Decade Ago Lead to Adrenal Gland Fatigue Today?


Rat Race by Ethan Block via Flickr CC

A guest Post by Dawn Pier

In 2002 I quit my job, sold almost everything I owned and moved to the southern tip of the Baja Peninsula to follow a dream to learn to surf.  Eight years later I had undergone a complete transformation from an unhappy, stressed out, overweight research scientist to a woman content, fit and fully ensconced in the Baja life.  My 70 hour work weeks and frequent travel were long behind me. Early in my tenure in Mexico, I founded a community conservation organization to protect the most important coral reef in the Sea of Cortez. Now I surfed almost daily, picked up odd jobs, and maintained a large estate to support myself. For all intents and purposes, I had an ideal and laidback lifestyle.

In 2011, however, I began having difficulty waking up in the morning. My morning tea didn’t seem to be doing the trick any more and gradually I turned to coffee – a beverage I normally avoid due to the severe effects it has on me – to help me get going in the morning. Despite being passionately obsessed with surfing, I found it increasingly difficult to rally the energy to get out the door and to the beach. Gradually, I began to crave salt like it was a drug and responded by eating potato chips by the oversized bag. I craved red meat and converted from a virtual vegan to a steak and hamburger obsessed junky. A year later, I had gained almost 20 pounds. I sought medical help, but the tests all came back normal. Frustratingly normal.

The downward spiral continued almost imperceptibly, but by May of that year, I was dragging my ass in a way I had never experienced before. Despite copious amounts of coffee, it took three hours for me to feel awake each morning and by afternoon my energy level crashed and my head spun. I couldn’t concentrate and my writing began to suffer. One afternoon when, overcome by dizziness, I had to take to my bed, I knew something was seriously wrong.

I happened to be on the island of Maui at the time and was fortunate to find a doctor who took a proper history. He asked me if I was under stress.  At first I laughed at the idea that I could be stressed out. From the outside looking in, I had it made: living surrounded by nature, the ocean at my front door, surfing, eating a diet full of organic whole foods. But when pressed, I had to admit I was still a total stress monkey. “Sounds like adrenal gland fatigue,” he said confidently.

I’d heard of the adrenal glands and knew that they had something to do with the fight or flight response and the release of adrenaline. Then he pointed out that adrenal gland fatigue often results from the accumulation of stress over years. “Did you have a high stress job or lifestyle before you moved to Mexico?” he asked. I laughed recalling the decade I spent in an unhappy marriage, masochistically chasing after scientific accolades and suffered from severe insomnia. He nodded and asserted that this disease was the overdue payment for my previously unsustainable lifestyle.

A blood test confirmed the doctor’s diagnosis. Fortunately, my adrenal gland activity was depressed, but not stopped and with low level hormone replacement, dietary changes including cutting all caffeine, limiting sugar and alcohol, practicing a simple diet called food combining, I began to feel better. Nevertheless, I still feel wiped out if I do too much, stay up too late or party too much. Like all things in life it’s a balancing act.

Looking back on those years of hard work I wonder if there was anyone who could have convinced me that it wasn’t worth the long-term damage I was doing to my health. In North America we’ve been hoodwinked into believing that this is the normal path of a well-adjusted productive member of society (emphasis on productive). The stigma attached to taking a non-traditional path and doing what we love, instead of what earns us a big paycheck – not that these things are mutually exclusive – is substantial.

I still struggle periodically with my decision to step off the work wheel and wonder if I will regret not dedicating myself to something “more significant.” But then I remember that had I not left the rat race to follow my dream of learning to surf, I never would have had the time and opportunity to start writing. In a classic example of cosmic reinforcement, one passion has led me to another.

But I know one thing for certain.  Be it as scientist or a writer, I will never again be a 70-hour-a-week workaholic. Life’s just too short and the waves too much fun!

Dawn Pier is a formerly landlocked Canadian who is a surfer, writer, environmental biologist, and universal truth seeker (not necessarily in that order). Currently, she divides her time between Baja Mexico and the SF Bay Area, writing her memoir filled with adventures in conservation, love, and life off the grid in a tiny Mexican village. She publishes a personal blog and is the East Cape amiga for a new website Baja.com. 

Passover, Work, and Corporate Idolatry

Remember This Day by Tim Sachton via Flickr

In this season of Passover and Easter, I’ve been thinking about work.

The Last Supper was a Passover Seder, which is a ritual meal that tells the story of the Exodus from Egypt.  In many ways, Passover is like Thanksgiving, in that family gets together, and remembers a historical event.  What is particular about Passover is the detail in which the story is told, how Moses led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt.  Participants in the Seder are exhorted to make a personal connection to those freed from slavery.  There is a lot to connect to.  This year I connected to my own experience of going from a 90 to a 50 hour work week.

Passover is all about freedom

The Exodus from Egypt is a seminal event in the history of the world, remembered by Jews, Christians, and Muslims who together account for over half the world’s population*. The Exodus, although less salient for the worlds 1.3 billion Atheists, has been highly influential on the secular world as well.  Harriet Tubman, hero of the Underground Railroad was nicknamed  Moses.  So imagine my surprise when I found that a sizable portion of the Israelites wanted to return to slavery in Egypt.  Why?  Why after generations of slavery, when finally offered the chance at freedom, would anyone want to return to slavery?

The voices to return to slavery were particularly acute at times of uncertainty, when the Hebrews were trapped against the shores of the

Edward G Robinson as Dathan

Red Sea, or when Moses was absent for forty days and the people began to doubt whether he would return.  There were two types of people who argued for a return to Egypt.  The first were self-serving people like Dathan, who collaborated with the Egyptians and betrayed Moses to Pharaoh for personal gain. When later exiled by Pharaoh with the rest of the Jews, Dathan continued to advocate for a return to Egypt, presumably so he could regain his wealth and privileges.  (Dathan was played by Edward G. Robinson in the movie The Ten Commandments.)

Most people who wanted to return to Egypt were not self-serving, but simply afraid of change and/or the uncertainty of the road ahead. The Dathans of the world prey on the fears and insecurities of other people.  Dathan argued that servitude in Egypt would be better than death in the desert.  I can’t help but notice the way that Dathan positioned slavery as mere servitude.  I am reminded of the way some of my former managers would spin things to encourage me to work over the weekend.

Freedom from chronic overwork

Over the course of one year, I went from working 90 hours per week to working 50 hours per week.  My job title never changed, but my boss did – seven times that year.  Not one of my seven managers said “Greg, you are working too hard.  Let me take this off your plate.”  I needed to liberate myself in the midst of a chaotic and highly political environment. The details of that year are a story for another day, but what was key was a revelation that my devotion to the company was a modern form of idolatry.  I realized that “doing what is best for the company” was an adoption of a company-first value system, and this Corporate Idolatry was at the expense of my family and my personal health.  By reconnecting with people-first values, I was able to drastically cut back my working hours.

Idolatry was very much a part of the story of Exodus.  Not only were the Hebrews enslaved, they worshipped the Egyptian gods.  The story of Passover makes it clear that the Hebrews were not freed from slavery until they cried out to the one God for freedom. On a metaphorical level, Passover is the story of people who chose an uncertain future that carried the promise of freedom over the known path of slavery.

I made as much money working 50 hours as I did working 90 hours. In a sense, I was working those extra forty hours for free.  I obsess about those 40 hours, in part because I think working for free is a form of slavery.  Why did I do it for so many years?  But that too is a post for another day.  Today, I am thankful that I am free.

*For more information on the number of people in different religions, check out The Big Religion Chart, which lists the world Jewish population at 14 million, Christians at 2 billion, Muslims at 1.3 billion and Atheists at 1.1 billion.

 

Four Ways To Achieve Wellbeing By Leading From Within

Nowadays, there is a lot of talk about how to effectively lead an organization. You hear all the leadership buzzwords about being team focused, work/life balance, customer driven, fostering employee engagement, transparent organizations and my personal favorite being data driven.

All of these leadership buzzwords and attitudes are really outward facing facades that timid, overworked and stressed out leaders say or do to get through the day and attempt to make a difference.

It’s a real shame.

Most leaders (which include those at organizations like corporations, governments, non-profits and even your local PTA) struggle to find that inner wellbeing because they have lost their core beliefs and abuse their most important supporter.

           Why Do We Abuse Our Most Important Supporter?

It’s funny how most leaders neglect and even sabotage their most important supporter – themselves.

They work long hours, sacrifice their personal lives, tow the organizational line, get burnt out, are constantly busy and then expect others to follow their lead. They become bitter because their sacrifice seems unappreciated – it’s like an endless treadmill that just keeps getting faster and faster.

           The Courage to Step Off The Treadmill

We all get stuck on the treadmill now and again. It’s an inevitable part of living in a fast paced, winner takes all, nice guys finish last, type of world.

In order to break this cycle, each and every one of us needs to take Lolly Daskal’s advice on Leading From Within:

People Who Lead From Within are leaders who want nothing more than to live their lives according to their own truths and on their own terms – Lolly Daskal

By understanding yourself and what you want out of life, you can break free and focus on what truly and uniquely makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.

To start on this new path, consider some of the essential traits of those who lead from within (adopted from Lolly’s list above):

  • Acknowledge the truth and admit when they are wrong
  • Ask relevant questions and give considerate answers
  • Listen before talking and are not afraid of the words “I don’t know”
  • Constantly learning from success and failure
  • Seeks out wisdom and knowledge to make better decisions
  • Are true to their inner self, follow their passions and strive to live a purposeful life

Over time, the application of these behaviors and attitudes will make your life and leadership more rewarding and promote a sense of wellbeing. This wellbeing is achieved in four ways.

                  Way #1: Eliminates Guilt

Hard charging leaders can be riddled with guilt if we don’t achieve or perform like their organizations expects. By redirecting your motivation from the extrinsic to the intrinsic, this guilt slowly fades and you can actually do a better job and achieve what your organization wants.

                  Way #2: Allows the Broader Picture to Develop

Most of us are focused on what others think. We stress about how we might look to others if a certain result is not obtained. This makes our focus narrow.

When a leader is motivated from within, then the shackles of perception are removed and they can focus on seeing what is developing instead of reacting to every little thing.

                  Way #3: Creates Better Plans and Decisions

Most of leadership is planning and making decisions. When you feel that your motives are true and consistent with your values, how you plan and make decisions drastically improves. You become one with the team or organization you are leading.

                  Way #4: Puts Things In Perspective

With inner strength and confidence comes grace and poise. This makes it easier to see things for what they are and not overreact.

By slowing down and putting events into perspective, you will make better decisions. With better decisions comes more confidence, a better organization and improved wellbeing.

           Go Ahead, Lead From Within

Finding that inner wellbeing takes dedication. It’s not easy to lead from within because the demands of work and life get in the way, you get distracted on task after task, you fear losing your job and most of all, you fear that you might make the wrong decision.

Don’t worry – All that’s ok.

Starting today, you need to get off the treadmill, dig deep within yourself and start leading the life you want – not the one that might pay the most, give you the most prestige or what society thinks you should do.

There is no better way to start on the path to leadership wellbeing then to learn to lead your most important supporter – you.

Jarie Bolander is an engineer by training, entrepreneur by nature, and leader by endurance. His site, EnduranceLeader.com combines two of this passions – leadership and endurance athletics. He offers a free e-course on Leading from Within which shows you how to leader your most important supporter – you. Feel free to follow him on Twitter via @EnduranceLeader

Clothes, Idolatry and Habit

The Habit Loop

The Habit Loop

In my recent post Clothes, Identity and Idolatry, I discussed the relationship between personal identity, wearing the company logo after-hours, and excess devotion to the company.  I found that if I stopped wearing clothes with the logo after hours, it helped me think about work less.  At the time, I was thinking about work all the time, so any step to help rebalance my life was important.  And later in this post, I will tell you why it worked.

There was lots of feedback.  Many readers disagreed with the premise, and stated that they proudly wear the logo after hours.  Arguments in favor of wearing the logo included: networking, cost savings by having free shirts, and happy memories, especially from former companies.  Others agreed that wearing company clothes after hours did promote a work-first mentality.  One reader summed it up like this “If in fact your company logo clothes make you feel bad, then don’t wear them; but if they make you feel good, then do!”

But for me it’s not that simple.  For a time, I was very happy wearing the company logo.  But I don’t think it was healthy for me in the long run, and now I understand why – thinking about work and checking email was a habit.

I am reading the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, the author of the series in the NY Times about the abhorrent working conditions in the iPad factories  in China. (I also wrote a blog post about that topic).  Duhigg introduced me to the Habit Loop.

In a typical habit, there is some kind of cue that triggers a behavior that has a reward at the end of it.  For example, if someone puts a plate of cookies on the table in front of me, I will take and eat the cookie, even though I am trying to lose weight.  The cue is the cookie, the behavior is eating, and the reward is a burst of pleasure and sugar.  In addition, when my brain sees the cookies, it anticipates the pleasure, and I start craving the cookie, such that it becomes harder and harder over time not to take a cookie.  Just writing this paragraph makes me want a cookie.

Habits are mediated by a primitive part of the brain called the basal ganglia which operates independently of rational, cognitive thought.  In other words, a habit akin to a reflex -it’s something we just do without thinking.  Or in the case of the cookies, something I do in spite of my thinking.  In fact, sometimes the harder I think about not having a cookie, the stronger the craving becomes.  At this point, I am really glad we don’t have any cookies in the house.  Which brings us to the solution for habits.  The best way to deal with them is to disrupt one of the three stages of a habit, which means avoid the cue, change the middle behavior, or change the reward.

Lets go back to my experience wearing the ‘clothes of the idolators’. The cue was the company logo, which for me, set up a craving to check email.  The reward?  Duhigg explains that executives get a reward from the temporary distraction a new email provides.  For me, I got an adrenaline burst from all kinds of work-related issues.

So if you are thinking about work all the time at home, perhaps wearing the company logo is serving as a cue to trigger that habit.

And the cookie craving?  I ate some cashews, and played with the cat.  Neither helped.  The lesson for me:  don’t write about cookies any more.