Helping the Chronically Overworked Find Life Balance

Are You a Leader Who Coaxes, Encourages, and Inspires?

3D Team Leadership Arrow Concept by Scott Maxwell via Flickr CC

3D Team Leadership Arrow Concept by Scott Maxwell via Flickr CC

A guest post by Don Phin 

Today’s leader is inclusive.

Even a strong leader must discipline himself/herself to take up the right amount of “space,” and that right amount is 40%, especially if he/she wants to work with other strong individuals.

If we’re at less than 40%, we’re out of our personal power and easily manipulated.  We turn ourselves into a victim.  If we’re at anything over 50%, we’ll be turned into a villain by others who will either flee us or prepare for war.  The sweet spot is found by staying at 40%. The room between the 40/40 is the room for the co-creation, for the dance. Fact is, every relationship needs space in order to survive!

80% leaders usually end up having to do most of the work themselves because the people they attract are mostly 20 percenters who will look to them for guidance.  A leader  should never tell a 20% person what’s wrong with them or reject them.  Since they’ve adopted a victim mentality, they will be highly sensitive to rejection.  It will drive them back and they will feel abandoned and betrayed by us.   If we are working in a relationship with a 20% person, we must have the discipline to stay in our 40% and to coax, encourage, and inspire them until they take up their 40%.

Coaxing means letting the person know, gently, that we think they’re OK and we want to play with them.  We say, “Come out and do something with me,” or “Come, talk to me.  I’m not as tough as I look.”  We say every way that we can that we would like to play with them and that we’re safe for them to be with.

Encouragement lets the person knows they’re doing well.  We give them a lot of acceptance and approval for what they’ve done well.  We focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses.  We tell them we like them and that we want to keep working on the relationship with them because it’s something valuable to us.

Inspiration entails always going back to the spiritual purpose for being together.  We always want to discover and remind them of the things we’ve got in common and what we’re working towards together.

Today’s humble, yet effective, leader will be a master of coaxing, encouraging, and inspiring!

Don Phin is the founder and President of HR That Works, a powerful program used by more than 3,000 companies nationwide. Don has a unique ability to bridge various disciplines and take a common-sense approach toward workplace relationships. Learn more about Don.


  1. Thank you Don for a great post.


  1. […] Are You A Leader Who Coaxes, Encourages, and Inspires?  This is a guest post on the Idolbuster blog. I really like the concepts in this post because it begins with the proposition that 21st century leadership must be more inclusive. “Today’s humble, yet effective, leader will be a master of coaxing, encouraging, and and inspiring!” […]